The desire to couple is a primary need, deeply encoded in the cellular structure of our human being. In the Gaelic language, the word cneasaidheacht means at the same time, bed-fellowship and wound healing, signifying that in our search for a mate we are seeking also to heal something in ourselves. Certainly there is often a feeling that we look to our partner to make us feel complete, whole, as if we believe that in our self we are not quite enough. The external stressors of daily life as well as the internal stressors of unfulfilled desire often lead to a breakdown in the sense of safety we have with each other causing us to feel isolated, hurt, misunderstood, angry. How could we feel so with the one we love? The one to whom we have given so much of ourselves? Couples therapy begins as a search for what each partner brings to the table in terms of desire and disappointment. Acknowledging that fear, anger, and selfishness are all just aspects of our vulnerability rather than of our character is often the first step towards healing and opening ourselves to the possibility of loving and being loved.